So it's late - very late - Friday evening, or, if you prefer, very early Saturday morning. Long hours of thinking, flown by like geese headed north. Mostly silent, some honking now and then.
I've come to some conclusions. Conclusion one is, I wish to be a sculptor. This, I believe, I have always wished: to be a sculptor, to create something. In point of fact, I might say that I believe I have always been a sculptor, that I am always busily about the process of sculpting something: an object, an environment, a future.
Conclusion two is, I am now halfway through my life. And I realize, at this significant juncture, that until now I have lived my life doing my best to satisfy the expectations of others. And this is in some sense perhaps legitimate: if we wish to be a part of a society - and I do! - then we had best understand and abide by the reasonable and unbiased expectations of our neighbors.
But there is also the sense that if I am not a net drain on the community - if I am, in fact, either purely neutral from an economic perspective, or if my presence provides some measurable net economic gain, then I should expect to be left pretty much alone.